Planning ahead

First off I gotta say thank you for all the well wishes and prayers. It means a lot to me that I’m not alone in this.

The funeral was yesterday. And it was very emotional. I hate funerals. I’m sure nobody likes them. But I seriously hate them. But I felt like I needed to be there. After the funeral we went out and celebrated his life. Music, food and lots of booze. Seemed to sum up his life. In a good way of course. Lol. There was even a board that they had made up where you could write comments or whatever you want to him. It was made for his son, so that he would always remember who his father was.

And now that chapter is closed. For me at least. I can move ahead with planning for the future. I’ve decided to go back to my original route. The AI program at my clinic. So starting over, I have to chart my BBT for the next 3 months.

I hate charting my BBT.  It is so….. annoying. And tedious. But I gotta do it, I guess.

I just got another job. Job #3. I’m a busy lady. But I’m trying to bring in some extra cash that’s going to be needed for sperm. No school for the Fall semester. I’m studying for the TEAS V, which I have to take in about a week. If I get into this program, my life will be more hectic than usual. But I’m ready to get started!

Calling it Quits

I’m packing up my TTC stuff. Calling it quits…..

For Now.

I got a call this afternoon from my partner telling me that my KD passed away last night in his sleep.

I’m devastated. Hurt. Angry. You name it. I feel it.

He was only 37 and one hell of a guy. He had two children of his own, and was a great father to them.

My heart is heavy right now. And I don’t know what to say…..

Today I was supposed to go to his house to get started on our next insemination.

So now is the time to pack it up, take a step back and reevaluate our TTC journey. It hurts too much right now.

The Results Are In……

Hello dearies,

Its been a few weeks since my last post. Mainly because there was nothing going on but the TWW. And with AF being a no show all week, I finally test on 18DPO and……

BFN

I had a feeling. And maybe that’s the reason I am not so disappointed by the results of this cycle. I am excited to try again, because we will be squeezing 3 inseminations out of our donor next try instead of 2. That and the fact that I have finally started my Metformin might be a huge help. I’m also working on changing my diet, exercising more and trying to lose a little weight. As soon as I find the motivation to go to the gym…….

The only problem is… I’m CD39 now. Its bothering me that AF is hiding when I need her the most. My cycles have been a little irregular for the most part. 28 days here, 34 days here, but really AF? 39 days? What are you trying to pull? Until I hit CD1, I have nothing to do but wait. Its not even like I’m stressed out either. My body just decides to be a jerk whenever I need it NOT to be.

*sigh* Life.

Insemination (Mission Day 2)

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Yesterday our sperm donors girlfriend asked us if we used a turkey baster to inseminate.

LOL.

I turned and looked at her with my “you can’t be serious” face.

And I realized how misinformed society really was. Even my gay guy friend asked me that.

NO. We don’t use turkey basters. Ugh.

Lol no no, I love the woman. But I mean, she’s straight, and getting pregnant was so random to her, why would she care how lesbians get pregnant? It doesn’t apply to her. So I can’t be mad at her lack of information. Because what straight woman reads up on how to get a lesbian pregnant?

So T explained it to her. And that was that. Simple.

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There it is.

Yesterdays insemination was almost as hectic as the day before. But a whole lot less stressful. We went over the hour time limit again last night, but I’m not too worried about it. Trial and error. Remember? I was cramping something awful though. I don’t know if it was normal or if the syringe was in too far, but it hurt like a bitch. Even a few hours after.

And so begins the 2 week wait. We’ve decided not to take a pregnancy test at first. I like to just wait and see if my period comes.

Oh and I forgot to mention. T had her PortACath placed about 2 weeks ago. It was nervewracking, only because she was so nervous. But everything went fine and its healing nicely. She has a little lump in her chest right under the collarbone. The Port is attached to her jugular, so that its easier to draw blood or give an IV, instead of searching for veins. I’m glad she went through with it. The benefits will be great.

Anyway, off to work. Bleh.

And thanks for your support guys. I appreciate it!

Tornado Insemination (Beyond Frazzled)

Okay, so today my OPK was positive. I think.

The line was pretty dark, darker than I have seen it ever. So I decided today would be a good day to inseminate.

Currently as I’m writing this, I’m laying on my bed, feet on the wall, trying to watch Shark Week, upside down.

It all happened so fast. I forgot to take my test today, so at 3pm, I randomly took it. I wasn’t expecting any changes in the line color just yet because my cycle was so wacked. But when the line came up dark, I had decisions to make.

Having JUST returned my rental, I had to get to Boston, which is about 20 minutes away by car, with NO car. So I had to call my older brother and ask to borrow his car.

So off to Boston we drove, trying to figure out if it was even a good time to inseminate or if we should wait till tomorrow. But we said what the hell, what do we have to lose? We get to our donors house, only to find out that he recently had sex with his girlfriend. And by recently, I mean about an hour before we got there.

Grrr……

Nonetheless, he produced a good sample. I think. But T is too grossed out to even discuss it with me. Ha!

We drove back home to my brothers house with the sample in my bra. And walked to the bus stop to go home. The bus was super late. So we passed the one hour mark that most people say the sperm is good for. We stressed out a little. But in the end we said, hey, this is our first attempt, we’re learning what works and what doesn’t. Trial and error.

So then we get home, draw up the sperm in our needleless syringe and poof! Home insemination.

And I’m tired of sitting here with my legs up. I wanna eat my dinner. And I can’t do that upside down.

Fuck it. I’m getting up now. Its been a half hour.

What a hassle and unexpected insemination today.I’m really excited though! Now we need to figure out how to do this all over again tomorrow……….

Good News… I guess

So…… I have some things to tell you.

I passed my Anatomy class. With a B+. Which means, I am now ready to apply to the Nursing program. With the stress of finishing my prerequisites for this program over, I can now stress on studying for the Teas V exam. Sweet!!!!

I found out that WalMart does $4 prescriptions. And insurance is not needed. Anddddddd Metformin is on their list. Uh, yay! I normally HATE Metformin with a passion, but its stabilized my hormone level and that’s just too awesome. Take that PCOS!

Clomid is also on that list. But my docotor said I HAVE to come in so she can do a pelvic exam and discuss my options before she prescribes it. She seriously thinks losing weight will help more than the Clomid.

I think I’m gonna focus on just being healthy in general as opposed to trying to lose weight. That’s too much pressure. Pressure makes me eat. Eating makes me fat.

I hate my ovulation tests. We didn’t get the digital ones. We got the stupid ones where you have to determine just how light or dark the test line is compared to the control line. I hate it. But this is all about trial and error. Gotta find what works for us.

Ovulation is supposed to occur in the next week. But with my cycle being all out of wack, I doubt ovulation will occur at the 14 day mark. Let’s hope it even occurs at all. I know I ovulate because I did a study a year ago and I got ultrasounds every 2 weeks and it showed my eggs were dropping. They almost kicked me out the study because I WAS ovulating. Rudeness.

But anyway, Clomid might not even be needed. But we’ll find out soon. Like I said, trial and error.

Liebster Award

Okay, so I don’t want you guys to think I’m a total douche because I haven’t copied and pasted the Liebster nomination post. I appreciate the nominations! I really do. But I am so not savvy with this WordPress technology. I have no idea how to link my favorite blogs like you guys do. It’s pretty lame I know.

Just know that I’m happy that people are reading my blog and know that i’m reading yours too!

 

Keep posting!

Fatty Wants A Baby

I’m fat. Not in the “low self esteem” kind of way. I’m just fat. I’m almost 100lbs over my “normal” weight. According to the BMI chart, I’m obese. I’m pretty sure MORBIDLY came up a few times.

I like food. What can I say? As much as i blame my super skinny, fastest metabolism in the world, forever snacking on something, girlfriend; its mostly my fault. But who can say no to snacks?

And now I’m fat. And according to my doctor, at risk for not getting pregnant. I’ve tried to lose weight. Really I have. But I’ve become so good at eating and then laying down and sleeping, that it should be a sport. And it worries the crap out of me.

I’ve been fat most of my life. Save for the 6 months when I was 18 where I wore a size 12. I’ve been a size 16 for as long as I can remember. I feel like I skipped kids sizes and went straight to a size 16. I never thought too much about it. Never had the need to lose weight or care what people thought, until they told me I needed to lose weight.

I blame my PCOS. Most women who have it are overweight. But its hard for us to lose the weight because our body doesn’t process sugars properly. So we store the sugars as fat instead of use them for energy. Hence the reason I’m so tired and fat.

Now I’m not saying I’m fat in a derogatory way. But it is what it is. I need to lose weight if I wanna maximize my chances of getting pregnant. Especially now that I have no insurance and am out of my Metformin.

But again, who can say no to snacks??

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Glad to be bleeding!

I woke up this morning and guess what? I finally got my period! Only 19 days late, but hey, better late than never I always say. I am determined to be less stressed for the next coming weeks because now that aunt flo has shown her face,  we can begin to plan out the inseminations.

The next step on our list of things to do is to grab on OPK. We have used Clearblue digital tests in the past and the empty circles or the smiley faces have made it a whole lot easier. I’ve been reading up on how many times a day to test and how long after you get the positive, do you inseminate. So many different answers, so confusing.

My birthday was good. Enjoyed time with my family. And that’s what matters. Next year I’ll be 28 again because isn’t that what you do when you get older? Stay the same age for 20 years?

A stressful situation

This month has not been a good one for me. At all. My birthday is in 4 days and I’m broke. My appeal for the loss of my health insurance isn’t until August. Which means if they do give it back, it won’t be until September. The end of my summer class is coming up and I have to do perfect on my final exams if I want to stay on the right track to becoming a nurse. And best of all, my period is late.

Not just a few days late. Super late. And this is the month when I needed it to be here right on time! This is the month we decided we would start trying for our little bundle of joy. But that’s looking a little bleak. I’m highly agitated by the lack of good things this month. But what can I do but to sit back and wait it out?

Or pull my hair out.

Two very feasible options.